Admitting one's failures is tough, but it keeps you from fooling yourself that you were the victim of downswings and luck, when the reality is that you made bad reads and horrendous plays.
As of today, I have played 22,878 recorded hands of poker since I started using PokerTracker. This tool tells me that I started off making money through playing solid hands with good showdown equity, and lost money on attempted bluffs and steals. As I progressed, I became very much more proficient at stealing pots, but my showdown hands were becoming steadily inferior, so much so that the loss of my bankroll can be attributed to paying off too many better hands on the river.
I guess this in part has to do with the human psych; you start bluffing a lot and you think in turn that you are being bluffed all the time. When the swing began, it should have been obvious to me if I looked at this graph that there was a major leak in my game. Fact was that I ignored all the signs, and attributed the losses to bad beats, luck, downswings and idiotic opponents, when the actual cause was me.
Tempted as I am to portray myself as the victim of luck, I will choose the very last hand that I played that cost me the last of my bankroll to showcase my bad play. This was played on a $1/$2 6 max 50BB table. I was on the big blind with Qd6d. UTG & UTG+1 folds to cutoff who raises to $4. The button calls the $4 and so does SB. The button is a player with VP/PR of 56/35 in 79 hands, a very loose and aggressive player. I have watched him raise with garbage and play very aggressively to take down many pots. It was only $2 for me to call for a $14 pot, so I limped in to see the flop, which came 10s3dQc, giving me top pair on a rainbow flop. SB checks, and I check with a plan to check-raise. Cutoff checks to button who raises to $8, half the pot. SB folds and I raise to $24, cutoff folds. Button re raises to $114, which over bets my remaining stack of $68.70. The flop is relatively uncoordinated, with limp hands like KJ, Q10 and 33 as hands that would induce a 3-bet. QQ, JJ, 1010, 99, AQ and KQ are unlikely as the button, being a very aggressive player, would have re raised preflop. With such a low kicker, one would think that this is an easy fold, but I put him on a move and called. He had 33.
Thinking back, even if it was a move, I should have folded the hand. Of the 3 hands which would have induced a 3-bet, 2 had me crushed. It was less than 2 to 1 odds for my remaining stack and the only hand I could possibly beat would be KJ of which I would only be a 3 to 1 favourite.
Lesson learnt. Too late...
I will be rebuilding my bankroll with a re-deposit of $300. This will let me play at a maximum buy-in of $3, which would mean micro-stakes. A good lesson on discipline and patience.
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